One wild month later

It is hard to believe that a month ago today we brought little Bennett home. Things still feel very much up in the air, no routine, less money, but lots more peace and love.

Our baby boy was born on January 17th at 9:08pm. 5 weeks early and weighing only 5lbs 18inches long. His birthmother is a woman from southern Utah in her mid-20’s. We do not know what brought her to flagstaff or if the elevation played a role in sending her into labor.  She had planned on placing him and had looked at profiles on-line prior to coming to arizona.  It happened so fast and away from home, but she kept saying she was placing the baby and she was a Mormon. Flagstaff hospital is a safe haven, you can have a baby and walk away with no questions. But she knew she wanted an LDS family from Arizona.

A nurse was able to get her in contact with LDS family services, where he showed her more profiles and got a feel for what type of family she was looking for. She asked to keep a few to look over and the next day (Thursday morning) she said she kept coming back to us. We seemed familiar to her. She selected us because we seemed very family oriented and she wanted him surrounded by family and she saw we had a large family. She liked that we already had children and enjoyed sports.

She was released from the hospital on Thursday and the caseworker informed her that she had to sign the papers on Saturday the 21st or the baby would not go to the family she selected. She said, that is his family, I’ll be here. She chose to look at Bennett but not hold him. I am still in awe of her courage, when there were so many other decisions she could have made.

On Thursday January 19th that afternoon our caseworker called me and asked, how adoption things were going, I told him we were looking into foster to adopt, we were going to start the classes in a few days but weren't sure if we ought to commit. He said, (smiling I’m sure) well maybe I can sway your decision... a birthmother has selected your family. At that point he asked if I was sitting down, then told me to breath.  He proceeded to tell me that our son was born on Tuesday and would be released on Saturday.  I’m sure he told me more but it was unreal and time seemed to stand still. Our world stopped and our to do list changed instantly.

I called Brant and drove to his office. Brant and I knelt in prayer and cried and felt such a strong sense of peace. It was an intense, intimate moment and we knew he was our son. Then we talked and talked about names, about the money, about everything. I also ruined our trip surprise, Natalie and I had booked and planned (Brant knew we were going but didn’t know where). Yes it was booked non-refundable, nontransferable just a few weeks earlier. I didn’t know if it was possible to make arrangements to take the baby with us out of the country. And this was a big enough shock and surprise for him.

I picked the kids up from school and Rianne asked why I was smiling so much, so before we were even home I told them the news but also had to be realistic that the birthmom still had her agency and so we would need to have faith and pray. They were so excited, Heath said yes, I’m not the baby. And then asked when we could go get bunk beds (he has been praying for a baby brother for so long). Rianne has been praying for a baby, she just kept saying this is amazing, can you believe it is even real? I said is this real about a million times over that weekend, we didn’t sleep in worry, anticipation and excitement. Longest 2 days of my life! Friday for the most part seems like a blur. We made a few phone calls and our friends got us a car seat. We also sent out a fast and pray, please request. I felt emotions I don’t even know if they have a description. We prayed A LOT. We poured over baby names.

Saturday 21st

They said little man was sluggish to eat but Saturday afternoon he started to eat really good, ( I think that was the moment he knew he would be a Brown, so he better start eating).

I have been nervous for presentations or games but this was times 100, she had to show up.  We got a call at 1:00 saying they were meeting. We have found there are no real words in expressing our love and gratitude for her, it is an intensity that is new to us. I never knew I could love a complete stranger so deeply. We waited, the longest 2 ½ hours.  At 3:15 we drove to the hospital to see him, I was hoping a name would come once, I knew what he looked like but I didn’t know his name, but the minute I saw him he looked so familiar, I knew him, recognized him. I knew he was mine and loved him! Bennett was released from the hospital weighing 4 lbs 14 oz. We then went to the church to sign the papers then we brought him home. Hard to believe that was just a month ago, He shook up our world and now can’t imagine or remember life without him.

So that is it in a nut shell.  His name is Bennett Osborn.  Bennett means blessed one and it comes from the Burnham side of my family.  Osborn means divine warrior it is from Brant's side of the family.  So he definitely is our little blessed divine warrior.

A month to the day he was born we met with the pediatrician for his one month. When they checked his oxygen it was low so they ran an RSV test and it came back positive. So, we were taken to the hospital. Where we stayed 2 nights, just down the hall from our neighbor who had their baby the same week Bennett was born.

It seemed really weird to be there he just needed oxygen. They released us on the 19th (one month from when we found out about him). Yesterday his temperature spiked and we had to go back in to the ER but luckily we were not readmitted. He is home on oxygen and doing well, how about 7lbs well! We go back in tomorrow to check the oxygen. Some good news is his passport arrived he is free to travel so we get to take him on our big trip. Now we just need to get him healthy.

Sportin’ some love

Grandpa Jeff and Grandma Mary stopped by bringing the sweetest blankets.

(sorry for the fuzzy phone picture) One fits over the car seat perfect. The other has a special stitch that I can’t wait for a picture on the grass of the temple in 4-6 months :).

They were coming through to go watch Tyler wrestle in the state championships. We went over on Friday to watch too. One thing we have in common with Bennett’s birth mom is our enjoyment of sports. It is no surprise we took him to his first sporting event when he was only 3 ½ weeks old. I also wanted to show him off too ;)
Everyone told me I looked great, unlike the older lady I met at the store who kindly reassured me the weight would come off :)

Here is the state champ getting congratulations hugs after his LONG interview with the newspaper. We really are so proud of him and how hard he worked to take state. We are also proud of Travis who helped coach St. Johns team to take state too! I’m just sad we didn’t get more pictures.

We are loving this lil’ sport

Look at my 3 love bugs!

This year I made (full of love) stuffed french toast for valentines breakfast!

And all week I left little love notes in their lunches
Then sent them off to school with LOVELY hair, Rianne and Heath are both into doing their own hair so I was glad they let me do it special for the day.  Rianne has 3 hearts in it. 

and for dinner we did our traditional new greasy spoon. This tradition started when Brant and I were engaged and we don't like waiting for food---So we go to some little diner we've never been too, they are never busy and the food has always been good. 

He also loves the bath just not the getting out part ;) I have to admit I cried a little when his ambilical cord fell off it was his last connection to his birthmom.  Bennett has a cool belly button that I kiss every chance I get! 

Super Shower of Blessings, thank you

We have been amazed and feel incredibly loved with all the support we have received. I wish I was better at expressing my gratitude. We spent about 2 weeks on the phone retelling all the details of Bennett’s arrival, taking in and sorting so many donated items to help with the baby. This picture really shows it, except you can't see the boxes of items Brant was sorting.

This is my 'thank you' to Annette for capturing our moment. And Natalie for all the great photos (to be posted at a later time).

We have also received so many visitors and gifts.

He already has so many friends that love him. 
I cannot even describe the intense comfort and support this family has been.  It has been an awesome resource having a family who has been there.

And of course grandma & grandpa Brown had to meet their 39th grandchild,

they also washed windows did more sorting and folding and grandpa held Benny for hours at a time.

Here is number 1 holding number 80!  :)

My best friend Natalie brought my mom down to meet our little bear.

Grandma Silly Sally couldn't get enough of him. 

Some amazing ladies also threw a beary nice baby shower.

We have received so many kind and thoughtful gifts. 
I have to admit I am a little lonely today, the house is too quiet as he sleeps, Brant is at work and the kids are at school. I was working on typing his sweet adoption story although I feel like there are too many pieces and I’ll have to break it down into segments.

We also enjoyed the Super Bowl with our good friends the Mortensen’s.

Super dads too!

PHart

Heath is a man with his own ideas. He is very inquisitive which I can usually handle but the other day I said, "OK bud no more questions or I’m going to knock you into next week!" His response, “Which day in next week?” AHH! He loves that Phoenix starts with a ph and makes an ‘f’ sound. He learned about fat with a ph and decided, if it doesn’t stink but makes a cool loud sound it is a fart with a ph. He is adjusting well to his new little brother. The first time I heard Heath say his individual prayers after we brought Bennett home he said “please bless us with a... wait I mean Thank you, thank you for our little brother!”. He has been praying so long for a little brother it was almost a habit. I think he is ready for him to play; he keeps putting things in his bassinet for him to play with. He also had all his stuffed monkeys out the other day and was playing with them and then brought in Perry the platypus and said, “We are adopting him.” It has been so fun watching him take on the role of big brother.

The other day he was playing Wii and I said he needed to turn it off and do something for his brain. He asked “like what?” and I said use your imagination. (dangerous words) He played outside digging for a while then he came in and asked “can I sell rocks?” I said sure that is a fun thing to do. I had some vision of a sort of lemonade stand. Rianne came in a few minutes later and said I can’t find Heath. He was nowhere to be found just a few little shovels in the front. I started to panic as the first neighbor we contacted said, "yes he was just here selling rocks." I called for him and then began calling more neighbors one said “yes, he was here, I asked if you knew where he was and he said yeah she said it was ok.” Well there goes Mom of the Month. I couldn’t really get too mad at him when we found him, he said he only went to houses of people he knew and technically I did give him permission. He also asked last night how much tithing he should pay on his rock sales totaling 30 cents. I think they may be the sweetest 3 pennies ever paid in tithing.

the wait for 5lbs

Brant’s New Year’s resolution was that our house needed to change by 20lbs, I asked how he would like to accomplish this, he said "I either need to lose it or you need to gain it so I don’t look so big." Well 5lbs has changed EVERYTHING!

On Tuesday the 17th our new baby boy was born. Five weeks early weighing just 5lbs and he was 18inches long. On Thursday the 19th we received a phone call from LDS family services that a birthmother has officially selected us. On the 21st Bennett was released from the hospital at 4lbs 14 oz and placed in our arms.

There are so many details and miracles that happened along the way and some we are still discovering. We love him and have received a powerful witness that he is ours, we know he is and he knows it too!

I look forward to sharing the whole long story, soon. For now know he is loved and adored by his siblings, and parents.

He is growing and eating like a champ (3 days with us and he weighs 5lbs 3 oz). and although I think he has weird ears at least they are soft. :)

We have been overwhelmed with so much love and support, which we deeply appreciate.

Too Good

Too good for them

I came to a realization over Christmas, as much as I hate to admit it I am THAT aunt. When my niece Stephanie made her engagement announcement and I thought “she is too good for him”. Then with the events (my sister’s X) and how Zack handled everything I realized I wasn’t giving him much credit.

I’ve had that thought lots of times with the Brown side of family. This should probably be an apology section for the ones where I actually expressed my skepticism on their motives and made critical remarks.

Sorry Lindsay, Jana, Shaye, Wade and Sara. I honestly had moments where I really thought you were not good enough, I was wrong.

Also to the others that while I can’t think of specific times I said or did anything I’m certain I thought it and if I did something I apologize. I thought it was just my need to protect them because they are so good, kind hearted and certainly I don’t want to see those traits taken advantage of. This is the reason I won’t ever set my best friend up with anyone I think she is too good for everyone I know. To my nieces and nephews of future relationships, I will probably still think it, but hopefully I’ll be nice. I think my nieces and nephews are too good for whoever they are with, I just love you guys so much but I will trust your judgment and support you. There will however still be ear squeezes. I realized had I been judged or held to the same standards I wouldn’t have been picked as good enough for Brant. Honestly, I still don’t feel good enough for him and still have feelings of inadequacy in being a Brown.

Too good to me

We took a quick trip over to Kanab and as usual it was fabulous. We enjoyed great conversation and food at Grandma Brown’s. They are so good to us and always make us feel so welcomed and they really warm our hearts and hands :)

Kristi and family took us hiking to the elephant’s trunk just north of Kanab, so much fun.

This is what I’m talking about who could possibly be good enough for this guy who took care of crazy Heath the entire hike.

No way anyone is good enough for this girl who would wash and rub her aunts old lady feet.

 She painted my toes too!

We also got to witness Tyler wrestling and well he is too good it was awesome, Brant was actually yelling in the stands Tyler took first! Sorry he’s is too good too!

Yep it is official my nieces and nephews are just too good. So I’ll just accept my place as the scary overly protective aunt, my kids just happen to have the BEST cousins!

The weather has also been Too good not to go hiking. This was another hike we went on earlier. Annette has the good pictures ;) but it was a cool place here in Flagstaff, this place is too good. 

For New Year's we did spend it with the Elson's

I’m not one for too much stock in new year’s resolutions.  One thing I did change is our morning routine 2 chores in the morning before school, usually it is just one each.  Heath is a competitive one and when Ria did 3.  He was determined to show her up, so I came out to find him cleaning my stove.  I'll take his fire if it keeps my house clean :)  

This year is going to be too good! 
May we always seek and recognize His hand.