And the stockings were hung...

Our Christmas preparations started out strong we had our traditional BREAK the Fast with Christmas tree waffles/toast, and the first presidency Christmas devotional. 

Decorated the tree and the house, it was beginning to look a lot like Christmas. 

Our traditions continued we sat on Santa’s lap

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

not once but twice. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Christmas lists with wants, good for us and needs.  (Gold, frankincense, myrrh).   

We also participated in the Ward Christmas party, which was over the top, fabulous.  I was on a committee to decorate the dessert room, we did candy land theme and it turned out cute.  Our family was asked to be Santa’s elves and we had a great time. 

Rianne was even in a Christmas Play.

Things were moving along in traditional Christmas fashion.    On the 14^th I was visiting teaching when I heard the news of the shooting in Connecticut.  At first I didn’t really get the gravity of it.  When I got home I was glued to the story the next few days seemed like a blur.  Christmas planning seemed to come to a halt, my Christmas to do list was wiped clean.  I didn’t want make and take treats; I wasn’t worried about how tight it was going to be.  I ached for those families with presents under the tree that would never be unwrapped.   I thought of all of our friends with little kindergarteners.  I went through the motions of Christmas preparation but my heart was far from it.  At Church when Autumn (little kindergartener) brought a little gift for Ria I about started crying… but in that moment the grief for those families was replaced with gratitude.  For the knowledge I have, for the gift of His gospel in my life.  

I thought about His birth we were celebrating.  I thought of just last year in kindergarten, how excited Heath got for birthday parties he was invited to.  And they received just that, a birthday party invitation to be with Him.  They were perfect, While I am not I want to live worthy so at life’s end I will receive that invitation to again be with Him. 
Christmas plans changed I was just going to enjoy the magic of the season, look for the sparkle of surprise in their eyes and hold them a little tighter and enjoy the life I have been given. 

Our Christmas campout... silent night was more enjoyable.                         

pie can't thank you enough

Natalie came down a few days before Thanksgiving, nothing makes me feel more grateful than my best friend.  With everything that I am struggling with she is the only one from outside of it that really knows my inner battle, I never feel like she judges me and she always inspires me.  Sometimes I think we are like an old married couple, we don’t send cards or presents for birthdays or Christmas because it’s like we are more than that.  I think making pie is therapeutic and I was obviously in need of some therapy... I went crazy with pie crust.  I started working as the volleyball coordinator at the YMCA and it has been a little crazy.  There is a ridiculous amount of paper work and that is saying something because I taught Special Education.  It just isn’t very organized and the person that has ran the club program still wants to be involved, it is a delicate balance.  I have never known a man to cause so much Drama!  Well needless to say my crust turned out with flaky perfection. 

 

 Then she took her pies and I took ours to Thanksgiving.  I just want to add that Heath is a challenging kid for a lot of adults well for me too, I love how great she is with him and she really gets him too.  She makes him feel so good, he is very secure in their relationship and he just doesn’t get that very often.  I really love that little boy and I’m so glad she does too and that she is his Natalie too!    

I love Kanab I don’t think I would relax any better at a spa or retreat than I do at my in-laws!  Brant’s brother Matt took us off-roading.  The kids loved it.  Matt asked what he thought the squirrels were having for Thanksgiving dinner and Rianne said Acorn soufflé. 

 

We saw diving board rock and enjoyed the beauty of those red hills.  Nate was cracking us up to.  He would stick his head out and then get so made if a tree touched him. 

He also called Brandon while we were driving around, after Matt said he doesn’t call Brandon very often because he doesn’t answer.  Brandon answered, so funny! 

I’m grateful for my 3 wild turkeys!   It was a little different for Brown family turkey day we all fit in the dining room so it felt more like Sunday dinner.  It was so delicious!  Bennett’s first thanksgiving, I hope it becomes one of his favorites, ol’ Kanab cowboy and lil’ indian J.

  He loved all the attention, he is such a social, happy boy!  It felt so good to relax and have some peace.

It wasn’t the turkey bowl but we did get in some backyard football.  I’m counting on one next year when we have more nieces and nephews! 

We did get to participate in the Kanab light parade. 

 We drove the float.  All of the kids had a blast!

  Jeff gave the lesson on Sunday which talked about blossoming like a rose.  Deep symbolism cut back, more thorns the bigger the flower when just a bud you don’t see full potential and layers of petals.  Brant’s dad got a little chocked up talking about Bennett blossoming it meant so much to me.

Comparative Volleyball

I love coaching, every year I learn something new.  This was a fun season.  I was able to coach JV so I got to move up with some of my girls from last year.  I was also able to sit on the varsity bench and learn from one of the best strategy coaches.  He is also such a positive person too.  Although I coached with him last season I really felt like I got to know him well this season.  And He loved Bennett! 

He graduates this semester and I hope he will be around next season.  We also had a new head coach which is sometimes an adjustment but she did great.  Our program is really growing and I feel like we did good this year but I am so excited about how this group is just on the verge of greatness, I can feel it coming.  One of the highlights was placing in the Coconino tournament, and my JV had a winning season ending with a big win over our cross town rivals! 

Tess helped me coach about mid-season and she is an amazing skills coach, we made a great team.  Now she has me roped into coaching with her a 12’s team, which Rianne will be a part of.   It was great to see my girls get better with each practice and game. I had a great group of girls who were all very different but they worked hard and had great team unity.  Every season I seem to have one girl who teaches me something that goes beyond the court.  This season I felt like my girls had fun and wanted to win but I just didn’t see them fight to win. 

There are at least 2 elements I don’t know how you coach, timing and competitiveness.  One girl at the beginning of the season I thought had the competitive fire but the more I coached I started to notice something.  She wasn’t being competitive, but I couldn’t figure out how I saw these sparks of competitiveness but it was within herself.  Then I thought I like that inner drive to be better but it was something else and it was eating at me.  One night it hit me it wasn’t competiveness it was comparative.  I watched her for the next few practices and she was ok making a mistake as long as other girls on the team were too.  When she was the one that ended a play or killed the drill, she was great at finding someone else to blame.  When we talked about stats she was interested in where she was but more on where the other girls fighting for her position were.   She is a smart girl, and a good player but I felt like it was holding her back somehow.  Because volleyball is (in my humble opionion) one of the greatest team sports ever, she wasn’t taking on a role on the team.  I thought how can I help her and what if I don’t, maybe I could just leave it alone but then she would just become a good player but one that is easily replaced, and certainly not a clutch, true team player, they worry too much. 

 I did talk to her and I think it helped but a few weeks before the season ended I came across this poem, I have read it before. 

The Grade…

God does not grade
On the curve,
I'm sure of it.

But we sit around
Like high school students
In an important class,
Whose teacher has drawn
On the blackboard
The tiny wedges
For the A's and E's.
And the great bulge
For the C's.

We sigh in veiled relief
As the person down the row
Messes up,
Because it makes us
Look better
And probably means an E
For him, which is good,
Because while we have
Nothing against him personally
It means an A is more
Available to us.

And we secretly sorrow
When the person in front of us
Does really well,
Although we like her okay,
Because there goes another good grade,
Darn it and we're looking
Worse and worse
And slipping further down the curve.

And God, I think,
Sits at the front of the class
Holding A's enough for all,
Watching us
Working out our salvation
In fear and competition.

-Carol Lynn Pearson

my biggest fan, now 10months!

That’s when the transition happened.  Transition is key to success in volleyball, it is the movement from defense to offence and in a volley it is the key to who will win that point.  It puts you in position to score for your team.  I laid in bed thinking about this and realized I am on the defense.  Maybe its pride I don’t want to fail, or look bad.  Isn’t it enough that I’m on the team, I come to practice (go to church etc.)  I am watching and hoping we win, but not in position to help because I am looking at my team (the really good people) and worrying about myself thinking I have nothing to offer so I hide letting someone else do it because they will do it better than me, and the other team has me complacent, just going through the motions.  I’m expecting that the ball won’t come to me, surely He’s not counting on me.  I heard so clearly “whose on the Lord side who, now is the time to show.”  I know God’s team will win and I want to be in position when the ball will come to me.  Will I make it better for my team or be so worried about all the ways I don’t handle it as well as someone else that I let the ball drop?  I have been the coach looking down the bench at all the potential but who will go in and make the difference.  He’ll do the best with the players he has but does he have me?  I need to dig out of this hole I have put myself in and just do something to put my team in a better position.  Balancing being grateful to be on the team with making sure I have a spot next season because tryouts (trials) are coming.  Being one of the really good players is hard work.

Sea monsters

Happy Halloween!  Halloween is such a fun holiday and I love a theme and our crazy traditions.

Brandon and his girlfriend stopped to see us at a pumpkin carving party which made our day! 

Bennett liked making root beer. 

This little water monster

 is a fish!  He loves the water.

I really wanted Bennett to be some sea creature I thought about a sea turtle and looked around for green hoodie but then he got crawling so fast that the turtle didn’t seem fitting anymore and an orange hoodie was much easier to find. 

So with the help of my super talented friend, ok I’ll be honest no help from me just the idea.  She did all the work.  She sewed Heath’s shark fin, stuffed my octopus legs and eyes, Made Ria’s mermaid fin and shell bra (which was AWESOME). 

And she made the perfect little goldfish costume ever!  

Brant is a good sport when I get on a theme kick.  He was glad he was able to borrow a shark costume because I wanted him to be a SCUBA diver!  It was a very fun Halloween! 

 

1 and 1

Little man is 9 months now, they grow up too fast we have officially had him longer than his birth mom, I often tell him he has the best mom, Heath corrected me saying we don’t know if that is technically true.  Now, I say your mom loves you so much then it is true both ways!

Rianne celebrated her 11^th birthday, which marks her last year in primary, her last year of elementary school.  As if volleyball season isn’t crazy enough it ended the day before.  So on her birthday it was going to be all about her!  Well Dad made the usual birthday breakfast requests. 

Then I was reminded it was mornings with mom at school, I hurried made myself slightly presentable and took the kids to school as I chatted with a few moms, I discovered it was also the awards ceremony.  I asked Ria do you know about this, “yes there is a note in my backpack”.  Great I’ll be staying a little longer so she can be honored on her birthday for being on the honor roll.  It is a day all about her. 

  I’ll work on the cake after school wrap presents etc., but it is a half day at school.  I made it home for a minute before I had to go to the high school for uniform check in with my volleyball girls.  Good thing she is going swimming with a friend so I can go in town and pick up something to finish her cake and pick up her bff.  Rianne is so go with the flow and I’m grateful because EVERYTHING took longer than I thought!  I did get her present and Hailey but I picked her up late and the little friend she was swimming with had to take her with them to a ball game.  One stop at the grocery store and home to finish her cake and open presents. 

She was very excited about her volleyball, volleyball purse (from grandma Mary) and Volleyball shirt.  We’ll see how much she likes it or maybe she is just seeking some attention from her mom, she starts playing next week and I got roped into coaching a 12’s team.  She will be one of the younger ones but hopefully she has fun. 

We took her out to her favorite place (weird kid) Village Inn.  I can’t explain it, I told her only old and weird people eat here and Hailey asked, why she was there! We had a good time, Hailey made us laugh and “we like her face”. 

Then back to the Udall’s for cake and wishes! 

Rianne is such an awesome kid and so obedient, she is so positive and such a great sister.  I love our 'Mom and Me' journal and she always leaves me movie quotes at the end of her posts.  She has a contagious laugh... well really it's a giggle. 

 I feel blessed to be able to raise this incredible girl but let’s be honest she is raising me.  As she has been going through a tough time right now (she would like me to keep it private and I will honor that).  This situation has stirred so much emotion and hit too close to home personally but she has inspired me, and I find myself wishing I was more like her!  I’m trying to be as full of faith as she is and I appreciate her reassurance to me that everything is going to be ok.  I wish I was giving her more support but she is the one giving it to me.  I know when we found out we were pregnant and Brant said he wanted a girl first so our family started with a peace maker, he was prophetic, she is that!  Happy birthday!           

Natalie’s cookies got here on Halloween and Rianne was ecstatic.  Perfect purple, with all her favorites the popcorn one was my favorite.  They were delicious!         

007

He’s not James Bond but he does want to work for the FBI when he grows up.  I thought I would get off easy when for his birthday dinner he asked for eggs, sausage and bacon.  Then the sweet requests… Pumpkin pie and a tie dyed spy cake.  We did his spotlight for family night.  We talk about their birth story and then ask questions.  He got what is your pet peeve, something that really bugs you?  He stopped then said mom can you go in the other room?  I told him it was ok, he could answer.  His answer was when mom thinks she’s funny and she’s not.  Little did I know that night would only open the door.  We enjoyed pumpkin pie with special crust, I put his name in the crust and had sport balls around the edge.

 On his birthday we took in classroom treats mini doughnuts and of course lil’ Heath candy bars.  Heath loves his teacher Mr. McQueen.  He does a great job with him.  Heath is doing very well in school, his teacher says he comes into the classroom runs two laps sits in his seat and gets right to work. 

 Heath has also learned the invaluable skill of making fart noises with his armpits.  Heath is my WHY? child it is a blessing and a curse J The other day when I told him his pants were too short, he said it’s ok I’ll wear long socks.  I told him that wasn’t’ the point, He responded back with why?  Don’t we wear pants to cover our legs… mine are covered. I just shake my head, I don’t know what to do with this boy.  I send him off to school with pants too short and let him do his hair just the way he likes it (he thinks it is spiked).  Well he did have breakfast, brush his teeth and did his morning chore, I guess those are more important right?  I have to admit I’m slightly embarrassed when I pull up to pick him up and I see his now dry hair that looks like bed head, his short pants, long socks and crocs. He slightly resembles a homeless boy.  I am often tempted to put a sign on him that says “We encourage independence" or "I promise he is loved and cared for”.  I guess it will all come back around I’ll be embarrassed of him from 7 until the teenage years when it turns and he is embarrassed of me ;) I’m joking but back to his birthday.     

He wanted to celebrate his birthday on the actual day, which took some juggling with me in the middle of volleyball season but I made it work.  I let him have two friends over for dinner and cake.  Of course 7 year old boys ate all the food, played wii and room for cake! 

Spy cake was a bomb and with a tie dyed middle.  

Heath was very excited for both his real watch and a set of handcuffs. 

We have also been following the nieces and nephew blogs where Natalie makes cookies for them on their birthdays.  She did an AWESOME job, he was super excited too.  My favorites were the spy guys.    

After I took Cooper home, Heath gave me a 20 minute lecture on what I needed to do to be a good mom.

At first I was defensive, I mean who was he kidding I just had the craziest day all for him and did just what he wanted, it is never enough, all of those thoughts but I took it in.  When we got home I thanked him, like you do after a cop gives you a ticket, not sincere more habit because someone handed you something.  Our talk really hurt me but I did reflect in tears of course, because some points he made were too close to home.  I’m grateful he can express himself, describe emotions he feels, he is a pretty good communicator (when I just listen).  While I thought it was a little bit of middle child syndrome he did give me great insight.  I do know better what he needs to feel love, it isn’t easy but he is worth it.  The things you really work at turn out better in the end right?    

Tyler is just such a kid I remember his intensity and his parents have worked very hard, he has the biggest heart.  He gives us hope, he is going to be a great missionary.  His farewell was great too.  The music was amazing and the spirit was so strong.  It was a few days later that Heath brought me a hymn book and asked what is that wonderful wonderful song, I said I didn’t know he said, “we sang it at Tyler’s church”.  I looked it up for him and he carried that book around trying to sing it so I helped and we sang it together.  I told him that was a great song, that was the spirit you were feeling when you heard it, He said “No I just like it that’s all”.  He is going to be an incredible boy, but Boy oh Boy is it an adventure, it is better than any James Bond movie.  Thanks Heath for the adventure, the laughs and love.  Happy Birthday!