So the last day of girls camp the unwanted but expected call came early that morning that my sister-in-law had lost the battle with cancer. I have thought about blogging this but emotionally I just haven’t been ready and since I like to do things in chronological order I just haven’t blogged.
Sindy turned 45 in June and passed away the day before Joseph’s (her son) 13th birthday. July 16th . We made arrangements and left Sunday for Boise, we did break up the 14 hour trip with a pit stop at Natalie’s house. When we got to Boise we met up with my other siblings at the hotel and then headed over to Scott’s. I helped Salina (my niece) pick out one of her mom’s dresses to wear to the funeral. The funeral was interesting. Sindy’s family is from Taiwan and not only was the funeral culturally different but religious views were different as well. I was so impressed with my brother and what a rock he was. My dad is not an emotional or affectionate guy. I think at Scott and Sindy’s wedding he didn’t even hug Scott just shook his hand. When he came into the viewing he was just racked with sobs. That precious embrace between him and Scott was when I really lost it too. Brant gave the eulogy that my mom, Scott, and Sindy’s sisters wrote. He did a great job. Then a recently returned missionary gave a talk in Chinese for Sindy’s family about some of our religious beliefs. As far as I could tell it was also very well done. Afterward there was a nice lunch provided by Scott’s incredible ward. On the tables were origami birds made by Sindy. She wanted to do something to help with the funeral so she seriously made hundreds of these while in stage 4 cancer.
Then as a family we met at the park and just relaxed. I really enjoyed our time together
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1 side is my little sister Susan, my brother Chad, My brother Scott, other side is My mom my sister Cheri and me
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Then we made the drive over to Blackfoot and the next day we had a burial in Pocatello.
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| My family |
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| Salina, Scott & Joseph |
That is what we did. The emotions that go with it and what we felt are a different story. My brother Scott is a take it apart, fix it, put it back together kind of guy. He struggles with mundane tasks, he is not expressive, he is logical not emotional. Sindy ran their home with precision. They are a great match. With the news of the experimental treatments not working and Sindy’s weight dropping below 100 lbs Sindy was given 6-8 weeks. She made it to the 6 week mark. I thought of my brother: his limitations, his kids, and everything he would have to face alone and I pled with my Heavenly Father, “he can’t do this, it is too much to ask.” In my pleadings I felt that it just wasn’t fair. My heart ached for him and his young family. All we could do was pray, Scott and I had really feeling conversations more than we have ever had before and I was blown away by his strength and his testimony of the Savior. Then it hit me, ‘Life is Fair.’
Sometimes my kids say, “That’s not fair.” There I was on my knees saying the same thing and God answered with the same response I tell my kids, “fair doesn’t mean equal, it means everybody gets what they need and we all have different needs.” This is what Scott needs to make weak things become strong. God will not ask him to do it alone. And talk about strong! Scott was stronger than I knew, but God knew it and it has been incredible to watch him develop his ability to express his emotions. Heavenly Father knows my brother and just what he needs. He knew how to develop in him what we only thought was a limitation. He provides the perfect balance giving just enough to build up, but it is a fine line between build up and breakdown. It certainly wasn’t what he WANTED but it is what he NEEDED. This was an experience only God’s hand could work out. I was overwhelmed with the love God has for my brother, with the love of our family and how we came together.
This trip was hard not just because of the 30 hours in the car but the resources it took too.
I went on faith not knowing how exactly we would cover it, financially. Only to return home and chip my tooth, which required a crown and then some car problems and I thought, about Scott and his strength, God could give me a life of ease he has the power to fix everything but he loves me and that wouldn’t be fair. When Brant and I were expressing our frustrations with some of life’s complications we talked about how much God loves us and he will help us through this even in trials. Brant said it best with a, “I’m feelin’ the love!”
How grateful I am to know that we continue beyond this life, that we have a Redeemer and a loving Father in Heaven who knows what we NEED. It isn’t what I want but this life is fair.
