you are SEW a good Mom!

People say things like “you are a good mom” and that is nice. I’m not a bad mom, I’m not a good mom but I have good kids.

Rianne did my hair for mother’s day and Heath made me eggs (after he said “make me some eggs already”)

Sometimes these two really do make me proud, they also give me the title of Mom which I am grateful for.

They are thoughtful see they gave me a sleeping bag so I wouldn’t get cold on trek.

Somehow what your children do becomes a reflection of what kind of mom you are. My kids do some praise worthy things, and some not so good things. Either way I think it is generally in spite of their mother not because she is “good” or not. Truthfully I do love my children very much but I am selfish. I lose my patience with insignificant things, like when they don’t take their plates to the sink.

I know some mom’s who I admire. They feel the same reflection as a gauge to their description of what kind of mom they are. The problem with this is they are incredible but they have extremely challenging kids. They are patient EVERYDAY they celebrate personal victories when it is just that the amount of meltdowns this week went down. They recognize and are grateful for things I take for granted in fact I may not even notice. I’m not just talking about once in a while I am saying they consistently do this day in and day out with little or no praise. I wouldn’t want to change places with them but I want to be that kind of GOOD as a mom.

Motherhood wears me thin even with my good kids and the amazing support system I have. I just can’t cover everything. I always have a pile of mending that needs to be done from holes my weaknesses leave. Figuratively and literally. I have a mother-in-law who has patched us up figuratively and literally. Check out this patch job for Rianne with that personal touch! Thanks grandma Brown for ALL the patch jobs!

Signs of Growth

I knew today would be special Heath came into our room at 6:00am dressed for church. That NEVER happens! He must have had something important to do; for the first time, Heath shared his testimony in church. He has talked about doing it before, but has never gone up. I never go up with them, when they are ready they do it. He said mom I'm going to today I said ok what are you going to say? He told me that Jesus makes his tummy feel better when he says sorry, that he likes the scriptures Dad reads to him. I said well when this person is done you can go up he sat on the side of me and when it was his turn I said ok you can go up now. Without hesitation he took off to the microphone and got scared at first he just breathed into it but finally he said "I'd like to bare his testimony, I know the church is true" I love the scriptures and I like when my dad reads them to me" then he thought a little more and closed.

He seemed to grow before my eyes. 

another amazing thing happened, he didn't change his clothes the minute he got home

He got me out of the bench and I shared mine too. On the way home I told him how happy I was that he had a testimony. He said I didn't remember everything and I let him know I forget what I am going to say too, I get really nervous too! Heath can test our patience, when family home evening or scripture study don't go very smooth and I start to get frustrated Brant whispers "Brush strokes" to me. (Elder Bednar shared a story about brush strokes in General conference) Today on the way home when Brant whispered "Brush strokes" to me, I thought my heart would overflow! Little moments matter because he is growing from boy to Man! 

simulation  

We measure our kids on New Year's Day in a door frame. Brant's mom has a door frame with marks and dates for nearly everyone in the family. Every kid loves to see how much they have grown. Heath has surely gotten a lot taller this year already, some of that growth I only notice when his clothes get too small but today I noticed he is growing up in other ways too.

I have found that door ways are interesting places signifying coming and going. I have to admit there is spiritual door way where change is recorded and notches with little marks of noted significance. I can look back at moments in my life when a notch took place and I stood a little taller. I remember Jana before but because of experiences I'm not that Jana anymore. I have been a member of the church all of my life no dramatic changes that people notice. Most of changes people might not recognize but I think different, I feel different and I am different. I'm grateful for those notches but usually after the fact, nobody likes growing pains. I am so grateful for the atonement of Christ which makes change possible. I know I have a loving Heavenly Father who keeps providing opportunities for growth and measuring my growth not comparing to others. Someday, (hopefully after some more growth) I will grow up and out of this earth life. I know He holds the door open for our coming into His presence. The Church is true, I to have a testimony Heath, I love yours let's keep growing together!