pie in the face

 

I asked Brant if he was frustrated with me and all the health stuff, if it was putting too much on him.  In Brant fashion he said “I hate Lyme, Jana I love you they are not the same”.   To him it is that simple I do a decent job of separating the two or at least avoiding having them together.  Separating the two that is the emotional aspect I have been avoiding addressing. Really it has been an emotional battle a different sort of self-discovery.  I use all the avoidance techniques possible but then it comes and hits ME in the face.  I like to make pie, it is therapeutic and with volleyball over I guess I am missing therapy. So I guess I will hash it out on my blog.  I didn’t want to admit it, I was going to have a good enough day to make it happen, I bought the ingredients it is mind over matter and I kept telling myself I can do this.  Into the pie crust I went my favorite part, only it wasn’t therapeutic at all it hurt, and then it hurt my heart and tears don’t mix well with pie crust, I had to admit I couldn’t do it.  Heath rescued me he mixed the pie crust, he kept asking "does it look right mom" but I couldn’t see much through my tears.  The crust turned out fine Rianne did the fillings.   They weren’t pretty but they tasted great.  If I wouldn’t have been so consumed with my self-pity I would have some pictures.  I guess the thing that really hits me in the face these are NOT new symptoms I have had all of them before just not all at once.    

 

So this holiday it was winning the faceoff.  The new symptom broke me, thrown in my face through the holiday.  The new one is the throwing up.  The some days of September when I can’t keep down my pills has taken a turn to nearly every day.  It is bulimia with no weight loss benefit in fact gaining weight BLAHHH.  Just to save face I agreed to let Brant officially share the news it is Lyme not me, although I am feeling it!      

Gratitude in all things even when it is pie to the face…        We did get to go to my favorite place on earth!  Kanab did not disappoint perfect weather the two best fall sports in the world with family and food!